Naphtali is a doe set free who brings forth beautiful words.
Tonight was plentifully full of conversations about preparation including, but not limited to:
Apertivo
Personal space
Wedding location scouting
Guest lists
Bridesmaids
The proper temperature to activate yeast
Kneading bread dough
Set lists
Harmonies
Bells
Dinner
Bed
Ibiza, Spagna
(c) 2010
Sometimes, when you’re turning a corner, it’s hard not to really let go.
I have a bunch of chums that I hang out with all the time–seriously, it’s pretty much all the time. These chums are non-interneters. Except for checking for e-mails about the church volunteer schedule, shopping at Mario Badescu, and watching Secrets From A Stylist, these chums stay off line and off all modes of E at all times. [Clearly, E stands for electronic in this setting.]
I, on the other hand, weave E threads into my life consistently, regularly, and usually through my phone. Whenever I hang out with my chums [all the time], it’s also my job to photograph all the activities. I happily snap away and then upload to my computer, edit the photos, and then show them off to my chums so they can say how cute they all look having fun together. No body ever sees these pictures because my chums are off-line and what’s the point? It’s a little bit like we live in the 90’s again [early 90’s] and it’s great.
But whilst at the local zoo on Monday [Independence Day], my chummiest chum, stole the camera and snapped this while I was indeed looking at some big cats. I am thinking about this photo becoming my new super hero theme song, except that it’s actually not music. Oh, well. E-vent documented. After taking in the heat and the sights, we did watch fireworks from downtown St. Paul, complete with flag-colored cupcakes and more beautiful friends. I’m still talking about it and documented it because, well, it was special and important in some intangible, non-electronic way.
Como Zoo, St. Paul, Minnesota, USA
photo by C.
(c) 2011
How shall I know, unless I go
To Cairo and Cathay,
Whether or not this blessed spot
Is blest in every way?
Now it may be, the flower for me
Is this beneath my nose;
How shall I tell, unless I smell
The Carthaginian rose?
The fabric of my faithful love
No power shall dim or ravel
Whilst I stay here, –but oh, my dear
If I should ever travel!
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Collected Lyrics
*I’m sensing a personal theme here. Staying, going, signing contracts, settling down, seeing, experiencing, itching, scracthing. Are free spirits always this way?
It’s true. Go ahead and show us what you’ve got.
We watched the show from the 15th floor of the Crown Plaza in St. Paul, Minnesota.
A few weeks ago something so beautiful happened in my daily life that I opened up my wordpress immediately upon arriving home. I jotted in the subject line “Why Beauty Makes Us Cry,” but then was pulled away by supper and evening activities duty.
Every day since then, I’ve opened up this draft and asked myself, “Why DOES beauty make us cry?” I can’t remember for the life of me what I was thinking that day. I lost it. This is a bummer because I think if I could figure out why beauty makes us cry, I would have a best selling book career on my hands. Oh, and I would understand a whole lot more about life and art.
Can you help me? Why do you think beauty makes us cry? (It also makes us do a myriad of other things, too, but why cry?)
Is it because our souls are meant to be pure and stainless, so beautiful things provide a sharp juxtaposition against our ugly (selfish, angry, hurt, envious, proud) selves? Is it because beauty outside of us awakens those truly beautiful parts (humility, generosity, creative processes, selflessness) inside of us and the tears are what makes more beauty grow?
Watching Giselle, as performed at Teatro dell’Opera in Rome, was a tearful event for me, but this was not what made me cry the other day.
Blog! When I think of myself as a twenty something single woman with a blog, I sometimes get a little concerned for myself. Many a young blogette spill their most embarrassing moments without reserve. Boy, does that freak me out!
However, being that I am at the moment catching up on a silly little guilty pleasure of mine, I was reminded of a silly little embarrassing moment from a weekend or so ago.
I mean, goodness, it’s summertime. It’s time to let go a little bit, right?
With all that build up, I should say it’s really not all that embarrassing. The thing was that I slipped. I revealed a little part of me that’s so super 20-something, suburban, apparently with no life, girl. I know not to say these sorts of things, but this time, I didn’t hear my inner mom yelling at me, “Girl, think before you speak!”
Of course, we all say silly little things that we just wish we hadn’t said. Things that make us want to throw our heads back and laugh it off with a, “Just kidding! That’s totally not true.” But we don’t say that because it would be a lie. Whatever it was we did say, is completely a part of us and completely true. We have really no choice but to let them go and surrender to the fact that we will either be further accepted or not.
Basically this cute, young teacher, totally new to me, was talking about how he used to rap in college and how his students now always badger him to rap in class. Of course, my next question was, “Do you have a stellar rapper name?” (Because I always use the word stellar when discussing rap. It’s obviously another good choice of mine.) He responded, “Well, what do you think about The Bachelor?”
I threw both my hands in the air and with abandon exclaimed, “I love The Bachelor!“
I received a sideways look while he said, “Not the TV show. I mean, most rappers don’t have bachelor’s degrees, but I do have a bachelor’s degree. I’m also a bachelor.”
“Of course. Right. That’s great.” And on the inside, I rolled my eyes and said, “I am painfully aware of the fact that you are a bachelor. I’m embarrassed that that was my reaction to the word bachelor. It just triggered me. I swear I’m not that obsessed; I just get such a kick out of that show. And I really do learn things. It reminds me to be open. But let’s not talk about me. Or Brad. Or Emily. Or Ashley H. Or the fact that Ashely S. really should have been The Bachelorette this season. I mean, she was really crying when Brad let her go. Poor thing. I can totally relate.”
After 40 minutes of flirting my way through an external hard drive purchase at what I like to call “The Buy More” (what fun), I came home with a new pair of head phones for $15. Why not throw in a little extra after the big purchase? These headphones were never meant to awaken my soul.
I put them on. They worked. I put them on again and realized they were activating a sound space in my head that only opens when I perform live with a band. Right behind me, in the back and center of my skull I heard open air and drums. Just a slight pan as the drummer passed his sticks over the toms and kicked in the bass below. A little ringing of the ride, a snap of the snare.
I was on stage. I was alone. I was belting before a crowd. I was running. I was singing, “THIS IS THE LAST SONG THAT I WRITE ‘TILL YOU TELL ME OTHERWISE.”
And I just kept on writing the last song.
Viola, Minnesota, USA
(c) 2011
Here is the most memorable life lesson I learned from one Tom Willett back in 2003 during my stint at The Real School of Rock/Are you for serious?: Generously use the phrases “right now” and “to me” pretty much in every conversation. I am 8 years into this advice and I think I’m using those words more than ever.
(Tom extended the lesson to encompass beliefs, belief systems, and theology, but feelings are quite big enough for me today.)
These conditional words are not cop outs. In fact, they are a hard opposite. They permit free and complete ownership of thoughts and feelings, while humbly allowing for error and growth. These words promote change in the person, which is the general idea as a Christian.
Insert nervous shaking, “What?! I have to change something about myself?!” Absolutely!
But I cannot do that, I cannot change, if I am not honest with where I am at. I cannot go somewhere without knowing where I’m starting. A good point would be that Abraham did not set out on a journey without knowing where he started. Abraham set out, by faith, not knowing where he was going. (Hebrews 11:8)
I, also, set out by faith not knowing where I am going in this journey of self. Oh, I have vague ideas, like Abraham. My ideas don’t include descendents as numerous as the stars, but they do include health, graciousness, and maybe an honorable mention in someone’s graduation speech.
I used these words at least 6 times today and they totally helped me laugh my way through a sticky conversation. Self, don’t take yourself too seriously. At least, that’s how I feel today.
*Please note that this is meant to be used when discussing real feelings, concerns, nervousness, etc, not petty grievances like “I don’t like they way you load the dishwasher; it makes my life feel unstable.”
Naphtalia 
