Principessa del Mundo

Sitting in the humid, open air waiting room with a broken snack machine and a small assemblage of healthfully vocal Italians, I felt little but lost and suckered.  I had been suckered into thinking a summer as a private English teacher in Italy would be all fun and sun.  I had been suckered into thinking than living on a boat as an private teacher, oh and nanny, would be all glamour and port [wine, that is].  They would love me and listen to me because I am so wonderful and full of fresh, new ideas.

But no.  I found myself tied to Italian traditions and being called “Tata Somi” against my will.  Lessons were not scheduled on a daily basis, precisely at 10am.  And hitting the teacher was totally allowed.  On top of it all, I was sick with a strange skin infection.  I was covered hand, foot, knees, and elbows with tiny blisters and pocs.  I was in Italy, at the sea, and limping in knife-like pain through each day.  Inside and out.

So I finally made it to a hospital.

One room, curtained off into 6 sections, and no one but the patient was allowed in.  Even my dear employer, who so graciously paid for whatever sort of treatment I was in for, was not allowed into the examining room with me.  I was left with my “I’m just gonna buck up and handle this” Italian and my aching body.

I was escorted by a nurse and set on a gurney across from the dottore’s large, oak office desk.  Never mind the fact that there really was no office to be seen, everything but this exceptional desk was on wheely carts.  There were no other patients left in the concrete room and the only light was from tall lamps and one fluorescent bulb above my gurney.  Whatever the case was with this community health plan, it seemed to work on a basis of everybody understanding what was really going on and not telling anyone about it.

After a brief looksee, the doctor determined I had some left over streptococci from my time at sea.  I had apparently spent too much time secluding myself in a stuffy cabin and contracted a good sore throat, fever, and when that was gone, army of blisters.  He knew just the thing, as he was, of course, the best doctor in Italy.  (Everyone in Italy is the best at what they do.  That’s why people love Italy.)

And then came the Italian code of going forth.  I had no codice fiscale, not being Italian and all, and no means to pay for anything more than 100 euros.  I had no idea what I was getting into or how he was even going to legally prescribe me anything.  I gave a little information here and there and when he asked me where I came from, I said, “via Roma.”  And he responded, “Oh, Principessa del Mundo!  Perfetto!”

He typed on his computer for a minute, wrote a prescription and that was it.  I stared at him for a moment, head pulled back and eyes slanted down at the paper on his desk.  “Is that it?  Really?  I’m not going to get any trouble or lecture for this?”

I was free and within another week, so were my hands, feet, knees, and elbows.  And little by little, the summer got better too.  I got better at playing with my charges and slid in a couple days of good old American discipline.  (No you will not go swimming if you hit me, refuse to take a nap, and bite your brother.)

When it comes down to it, if you really want to be the princess of the world, just be it.

Take Notes

After a lengthy conversation with my sister, this is what was determined:

“The first bridge you have to cross will always be the one you haven’t crossed yet.” 

“The ones that decided had more success.” 

and finally,

“Dig in and let go.”

These bits of advice could be applied to a great many situations, but we were really talking about relationships of all sorts.  Sisters, friends, parents, co-workers.  There is no getting past the beginning, the middle, or the end except to walk right through–converse right through it.

Decide to be present, decide to say what needs to be said, dig in and let go.  Soon enough, you will be on the other side of the first bridge.  Then, of course, you’ll have to cross another.

She and Me: A Sisterly Conversation
Basement Couch Publications
(c) 2011

Daily Prayers

As I search for a modern life connected to an plus-ancient spirit, I find myself meekly desperate in the midst of various quotidian activities.

Here are some of the ambiguous and unambiguous prayers I find myself reciting in the car, washing dishes, alternating laundry, scrubbing sinks, and getting dressed:

Oh, God…

Help me to find the words.
What am I doing?
Let me keep my mouth shut at the appropriate times.
Calm my heart.
Keep him safe.
Please foster some passion in my heart and his.
Let there be love.
Keep me going, keep me faithful, keep me simple, keep me trusting.
Thank you for this coffee.
Clean my heart, too.
I feel so lost and yet inexplicably held.

In response, I most often hear a gentle voice saying, “I am here.”

I Want to Be Here

I want to be here
when I’m on my own
answering to myself
I want to be there when
I’m out with unknowns
answering
not even to myself
but I am always here
answering to someone
outside me
and there is wanting

Read My Mind

I was driving home from a high energy choir concert wondering just how I should treat myself for pulling it all off.  Oddly, I didn’t feel like ice cream.  Instead all I could think about was tea, tea, tea–unwind with some tea.  I walked in to find this.  [Somebody] read my mind.

“Help yourself.  I know you did great.”

Matrimony

If you can get over the intimidating nature of their band name, Matrimony just might become a new favorite of yours.  Joining Irish folk rock sensibilities and North Carolina indi-ness and harmonies, Matrimony shows that true love [and of music] and heartfelt words really can cross oceans.

I have to be honest that I saw this link on a friend’s facebook and I was not keen on clicking through to hear the song.  I didn’t want to be reminded of matrimony.  I didn’t want to look at someone else’s plaid-skirted, tights, and ballet shoe-ed wedding shower pictures.  I didn’t want to listen to another mandolin play “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.”  I didn’t care about a stranger’s journey of love, I just wanted to shut down–more than even the computer.

But then I took a breath and refreshed my heart with humility, hope, and truth.  Perhaps there was more to this music than the next hip thing.  Matrimony, did you know, stems from the Latin mater.  Mother.  This ceremony of leaving and binding is deeply rooted in family, in beginnings, in mothering.  Marriage is about the new two, but matrimony, in the ceremonial sense (as opposed to the sense of state) is transitional.  Like motherhood, it is herding, it is caring, it is speaking, it is promising, it is believing.  Matrimony is a moment heaved upon with purpose, conviction, and all-out fighting [not necessarily dramatically] for the best in someone.

Maybe that’s why Jimmy Brown and Ashlee Hardee Brown (lead singers of the band) felt compelled to live their musical lives in the shadow of such a dusty, onerous term.  Matrimony, marriage, mothering, songwriting–all creating new, all pushing from known to unknown.  In fact, all of these acts and states combine new, old, known, and unknown in every way and degree imaginable every day.  A mother uses her youth to guide her children and her ideals to set them on unknown paths.  Wives and husbands learn from each others’ pasts and even ancient wisdom.  They keep the old that works and strive to make their own, better future history.  Songwriters mix mystery and hope with reality, dreaming of impact and connection.

So matrimony has suddenly become very relevant to me as a teacher, a songwriter, a sister, a learner.  It’s no wonder the term is scary; it’s edges can be quite sharp.  Be attentive, then, to speak and write and promise words that mater [matter].

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