Here is the most memorable life lesson I learned from one Tom Willett back in 2003 during my stint at The Real School of Rock/Are you for serious?:  Generously use the phrases “right now” and “to me” pretty much in every conversation.  I am 8 years into this advice and I think I’m using those words more than ever.

• “At this time, I feel apprehensive about that.”
• “Right now, I am more than upset about this situation.”
  
• “In this moment, I see myself as out of place and I see you as where I want to be, but I’m really unsure.”
• “To me, I feel comfortable with that right now.”

(Tom extended the lesson to encompass beliefs, belief systems, and theology, but feelings are quite big enough for me today.)

These conditional words are not cop outs.  In fact, they are a hard opposite.  They permit free and complete ownership of thoughts and feelings, while humbly allowing for error and growth.  These words promote change in the person, which is the general idea as a Christian.

Insert nervous shaking, “What?! I have to change something about myself?!”  Absolutely!

But I cannot do that, I cannot change, if I am not honest with where I am at.  I cannot go somewhere without knowing where I’m starting.  A good point would be that Abraham did not set out on a journey without knowing where he started.  Abraham set out, by faith, not knowing where he was going.  (Hebrews 11:8)

I, also, set out by faith not knowing where I am going in this journey of self.  Oh, I have vague ideas, like Abraham.  My ideas don’t include descendents as numerous as the stars, but they do include health, graciousness, and maybe an honorable mention in someone’s graduation speech.

I used these words at least 6 times today and they totally helped me laugh my way through a sticky conversation.  Self, don’t take yourself too seriously.  At least, that’s how I feel today.

*Please note that this is meant to be used when discussing real feelings, concerns, nervousness, etc, not petty grievances like “I don’t like they way you load the dishwasher; it makes my life feel unstable.”