There is a sneaking song in my life.  It’s the one that consistently makes me turn to whoever is near and say emphatically, “I love this song.  I just love it.  And the music video.”  I say it like I really know what I’m talking about and everyone should feel my heart pounding as the song starts.

Today the song came on the radio and I let my real confession breath.  I confessed to the nearest chica that I don’t own the original love of this song.  I confessed that I don’t really feel it’s mine to love.  Truthfully, I only love it [my heart only beats its rhythms] because a boy introduced me to it, however many years ago that was.  And now I confess that I love that and I hate that.

Love: I really do click with this song.  It’s probably for the same reason I clicked with that guy.  Not that he was piano-based and covered in ocean waves and angsty or anything.  But he was real and honest and heartfelt.  And that’s how I like to be.  And that’s how I like my music.  Hate: I wish I’d found this song on my own so that every time I heard it, I didn’t think of…him.  He’s not with me; I have no leads on him these days.  He legitimately checked out and that’s okay.  And I hate the angsty vibe and the crying spirit it dredges up in me.  Love: I love that I have a story with this song.  However personal and tiny.  However intangible and bittersweet.  However many times it makes me sigh.

Augustana: Boston