honesty

There is a sneaking song in my life. It’s the one that consistently makes me turn to whoever is near and say emphatically, “I love this song. I just love it. And the music video.” I say it like I really know what I’m talking about and everyone should feel my heart pounding as the song starts.

Today the song came on the radio and I let my real confession breath. I confessed to the nearest chica that I don’t own the original love of this song. I confessed that I don’t really feel it’s mine to love. Truthfully, I only love it [my heart only beats its rhythms] because a boy introduced me to it, however many years ago that was. And now I confess that I love that and I hate that.

Love: I really do click with this song. It’s probably for the same reason I clicked with that guy. Not that he was piano-based and covered in ocean waves and angsty or anything. But he was real and honest and heartfelt. And that’s how I like to be. And that’s how I like my music. Hate: I wish I’d found this song on my own so that every time I heard it, I didn’t think of…him. He’s not with me; I have no leads on him these days. He legitimately checked out and that’s okay. And I hate the angsty vibe and the crying spirit it dredges up in me. Love: I love that I have a story with this song. However personal and tiny. However intangible and bittersweet. However many times it makes me sigh.

Augustana: Boston

It’s true what they say about heat. “Heat changes you.” They say that, right?

As the temperature rises, I find it more and more difficult to maintain my steadfastness. I’m letting my words fly and my imagination has completely run away with my sensibility. I’ve lost any semblance of control.

I’m sticky and I feel stuck and I’m not liking it.

I’m not sure how to get back to the cool days of ease and coze,

when words were the only warmth I gave. Now my words just add to the blaze.

It was 100 degrees Fahrenheit today.

The heat is getting to me.

Sometimes the day is less about your personality and more about towing the line.

Sometimes the day is about an honest tear.

Sometimes the day is about not saying what’s expected.

Sometimes the day is about sticking up for yourself–firmly.

Sometimes the day is about being okay with running late.

Sometimes the day is about buying it anyway.

Or all of these or none of these.

There is so much more that I haven’t shared.
Things that happened just today–
a new job, a complicated up set,
a set of sneakers that need to be run.
When my heart is spilling over with heavy
trains and paths and joys,
I only want to sit and share
there is so much more than what you
have seen or read or heard or thought.
And I know there is more of you.

When do we get to dive in?

glass
chinks and chunks
clinking
sharp and beautiful
unexpectations, unexceptions
intriguing
blood on tongue
inhaling humid air
no breeze in sight
and back into soapy
sink of glass

Tag: honesty

Beleaguer Me Boston

Heat

Sometimes the day…

There is so much more…