I read today, “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.” (Lao Tzu) If then I am at peace when I am talking to you, it seems doubly true that you are my present.
How He Loves Our Rest
Today, an intended 20-minute nap turned into 2 hours of lights out. I crawled into my bed around 1pm, just home from an odd morning in 5th grade, seeking warmth and coze. I had had enough. I thought, “If I just sleep for 20 minutes, I can get up and finish all that e-mailing I haven’t gotten to in the last couple days. Maybe I can even get some reading done before dinner. Then I can run my errands, check in at the mall, get in a workout, and work on my scary poetry before bed.”
Two hours later, I realized that what I really needed to get done was some rest. It is more official than ever that 2011 is “The Year of Rest.” You know that I am not traditionally a napper, but God is really using some literal rest to speak life into me.
While this week was nothing but big conversations, big decisions, unknown thoughts, sleepless nights, and extra shifts, God made a way for me to have Friday afternoon off so that I could take a nap–to stop thinking for a breath. Honestly, I was supposed to work in the afternoon, but the arrangement was switched at the last minute.
I woke up around 3pm wondering just what I had happened; I hadn’t moved an inch from my fetal position. I looked around the dark, cold room and realized that my burdens were lighter. God took them while I slept. I could breath easier and I wasn’t in such a rush.
I took my time with the rest of the day. I had a work out, went to the mall, accepted a job offer, had some dinner, watched The Bachelor, then sang this song–the one that always makes me cry.
Have you taken a nap lately?
Old News
With my mind racing from all the old news I obtained today via the girls at work, I ran into a song I drafted a couple of years ago on my itunes. The lyrics?
Little did I know in the midst of plans and making dreams come true / there is no room for lovers and there is no room for me and you / but that’s okay, baby stay / watch me as / I run up to the mountain ready to set my fears behind / show you what I really mean to do and won’t you be surprised / when I pass you by / baby, I // choose to dive to the ocean, running right off of this mountainside / yes, I know you don’t think love has wings for a heart my size / but I still want to know / just how far I’ll go / if I fly a little / try a little / watch me fly // You can be frightened all you want but, honey, I won’t force your hand / it’s time for you to decide on your own if love is worth it, man / oh my, baby, I / choose to dive to the ocean, running right off of this mountain side / yes, I know you don’t think love has wings for a heart my size / but I still want to know / just how far I’ll go / if I fly a little / try a little / I might cry a little / even die a little/ because love doesn’t have a plan / it just gives you wings and you hope you land...
And I heard their words. And I knew their words. They confirmed all the thoughts I had been thinking, all the assumptions I had been assuming, and all the disappointments I had been anticipating. All the drama I had been stepping around, met me face to face in the form of old news. “You see? You knew it all along,” each minute seemed to say to me, “There is no need to seek the truth when the truth is clearly set before you.”
I know you think love doesn’t have wings for a heart my size, but I still want to know what will happen if I jump off this cliff. Because you see, old news and new news are sometimes the same thing. And sometimes all our decisions are the same, too.
Night Talk
How many nights of my life have you gently knocked on my door with a plate of nachos, a glass of coke, or some bag of chips, ready to settle down into my comforters and let me cry because you knew there was more to be answered than “How was your day”?
How many nights have you stayed steady in the dizziness of my contemplations?
How many nights have you sucked the sourness of frustration from my heart like you suck vinegar out of chips?
How many nights have I thrown my words to the winds of your wisdom hoping they would catch truth and not be offended by it?
How many nights has your wisdom wind smoothed the rough patches of my heart, eroding doubt, anger, bitterness, or other vile, unrepentant emotions?
How many nights have I felt like too much and you have responded, “Me, too”?
As many nights as you have been my sister.
How many nights do I get to talk to you?
As many nights as we knock on each others’ doors with plates of nachos, glasses of coke, or bags of salt and vinegar chips.
Openness
“It is often true that an open mind opens you up to a blessing.”
-Words we speak while working at the mall. Yes, even mall employees encourage one another.
Night And Day
“Night And Day”
Lerche
arr. Naphtalia
Come On, Love
Blackbird Records (c) 2011
Follow Your Heart
Honestly, I found this on hitRECord.org, but I regretfully forgot to note the creator. To you, creator of this wire figure, well done and thanks.
F.W. and the message of Persuasion
“Miss A. E–
I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone brought me to Bath. For you alone I think and plan. –Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? –I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice, when they would be lost on others. –Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating in
F.W.
I must go, uncertain of my fate, but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look will be enough to decide whether I enter your father’s house this evening, or never.
Such a letter was not to be soon recovered from. Half an hour’s solitude and reflection might have tranquillised her; but the ten minutes only, which now passed before she was interrupted, with all the restraints of her situation, could do nothing towards tranquillity. Every moment rather brought fresh agitation. It was an overpowering happiness.”
–Persuasion (Jane Austen and some other lady), page 184
To Anne Elliot: I know the feeling.
To you: I read this whole book just to read this passage. It was worth it. Every story has its own beginning, unassuming and natural, but the ending is up to the writer in whose hand the story is tossed.
Over the Valley
“Over the Valley”
Forbes/Lauderdale
arr. Naphtalia
Come On, Love
Blackbird Records (c) 2011
Sparks
“Sparks”
Martin (Coldplay)
arr. Naphtalia
Come On, Love
Blackbird Records (c) 2011
