All things define me and I define all things.  Just as images break free other images, I am constantly breaking out of myself, running into something else, which changes into a new substance, which, in turn, changes me again.  I am constantly being defined and redefining.

In this, I have a great deal of choice in what I am and my affect upon the world.  I can redefine myself by positively redefining my surroundings.  The process turns in on itself and eventually spreads to greater reaches while at the same time deeply changing me.

Since I am clearly discussing the meta-physical self here, it makes sense to apply this concept to spirituality.  Spiritually, I used to feel like an orange being pressed through a juicer.  Whatever came out was my natural, unaltered spirituality.  Over the years, my natural spirit dried for too much pressing.   (By pressing, I generally mean “meeting expectations.”)  I was unsure how to be re-formed into more fruit.  How do I become more of an orange when all my juice is gone?  Don’t get me wrong, I was trained on how to do this.  I was well-acquainted with Aquinas, Finney, and other great examples of fervent faith.   I went to Bible college.  But somehow, in the midst of all this literal teaching, my spirit did not learn how to leap into newness each day.  My spirit did not learn how to seize opportunities for redefinition.

I thought, if I am an orange, I must always be an orange.  My imperfections are faults that I must strive to eliminate.  Little did I know, I did not have to be an orange.

Today, I am choosing a spiritual reincarnation.  I choose to no longer be an orange, but a mixture of flour, water, and the yeast of God’s encouragement.  I will take what is around me today, mix it into myself, and become new.  I choose to leap forward with the joyful knowledge that good is around me and I will be redefined into more good.  I will be kneaded, let to rest, then kneaded again by the goodness that I find physically in my home and spiritually in my heart.

This is my magic: I am never the same from moment to moment, being defined by all things and defining all things around me.

Over the years, my friends have naturally expressed opinions in the course of a day, a lunch, a recording session.  Some things were said to me and some were simply said near me.  Either way, I was listening and so was my subconscious.   Ok, let’s be honest–these are things guys have said to me.  Here are a few of those opinions that stuck in my actions, for better or worse:

1.  “I can’t stand listening to the car radio at such a low volume.  Fingers on a chalkboard.” I have to consciously remind myself to turn it down so that I don’t go deaf.
2.  “Here’s my copy of The Rum Diaries.  (insert: sly smile)” I fight my refusal to be shocked and awed.
3.  “This man right here?  He’s a good man.” I constantly agree.
4.  “OH! She’s wearing braids! Man!” I wear braids once a month to see who catches it.
5.  ” ‘Dude’ is the most versatile word in the English language.” I use it while substitute teaching.  It is most versatile with Middle School-ers.
6.  “It’s fine.” I move on.

If you have ever wondered if anyone is listening, wonder no more.  We are all listening.  And when you speak, somewhere in heart, in mind, or in hand, we take action.  This is our great habit.  We listen to one another.

Last Sunday was Reformation Sunday.  I was struck by the sermon given at my lovely new home church.  Here, I have chronicled my conversation with myself on the drive home:

What was preached at other churches today?  Was is about evil?  Was it about all the things to watch out for on Halloween?  Stumbling blocks and protecting your spirit?  Halloween on a Sunday is prime fodder for “watch out!” sermons.

My pastor discussed Martin Luther today.  In doing so, he talked about grace–the core of Luther’s theological discomfort.  Technically, his discomfort was in the lack of grace being displayed by the Roman Catholic church at the time.  (15717) Luther was appalled by the notion of paying for God’s love, salvation, grace, in the form of indulgences.  What would Luther say about these “careful where you tred” sermons in terms of grace?  Are they another way of showing our disbelief in God’s application of grace?

One of the difficult navigations of upbringing was the preaching I heard about “the sin that so easily entangles you.”  Indeed, this is what sin does.  Indeed, the devil sneaks around like “a lion looking for something to devour.”  It is absolutely important to take care of your spirit, even guarding it from evil.  However, the persistent and insistent preaching that I heard from ages 12-19 created a fear within my heart.  Somehow it was unbalanced.  Even if it was full of truthful intent, it did not promote the grace that Martin Luther so valiantly fought for.  Instead, it stopped me in my tracks.  I couldn’t stomach the idea of losing my place in God’s family because I lost control.  So I controlled myself.

And that it just the thing.  I do not need to be in control.  I only need grace and, what do you know, there is an abundance of it.  You see, I have been given grace not only by God, but also by the saints who have gone before me.  People who literally stood up and said, “No.  There is truth to be given to future believers.  We will not settle for less than God’s best.”  For centuries before me, saints have believed in the value of me, as part of the future church–the future people of God.  I have been fought for in heaven and on earth.  Luther fought for me when he denounced the idea that money was the way to heaven; he stood up for grace.  He fought for my right to accept God’s grace.  And he is just one example.

I am grateful to be reminded today that I am fightable-for.  Yes, I am worthy of a good fight.  Hallelujah!  I am now caught in the daring and solid grasp of God’s grace–grace that flings me from the paralyzing edges of uncertainty into the movement of life.  I do not need to fear my stumbling because I know my place in God’s family has been covered in prayer and theological action.  Happy Reformation Day.