Some Space

I finished a large music festival the first week of May with the high school choir that I teach.  It was exactly what I expected it to be.  Large numbered choirs with near perfect vowel sounds and heartfelt teachers whose only non-reservation was “last year” and “next year” comments.

The next week was full of intense rehearsals, including choreography for our Spring Pops concert. Between missing kids and huge attitudes, we somehow pulled it together enough. We even handed out some awards.

Then came another seven rehearsals to prepare our original (composed special for our choir) song for graduation. Each day, I put all my energy into teaching notes and persuading students that the song was worth learning. One by one, they got on board.

Our final day of class, which included an individual performance test, was fantastic. I had never seen those kids happier and more cohesive. I was pumped for them and for graduation. Reading their finals, I realized just how much these students had grown this year. About 95 percent of them wrote something to the effect of, “I have never been as confident as I am now because of choir.”

Graduation day came and we gathered to sing together one last time. I noticed many of my students in weak and emotional states; a stark contrast from two days before at our final. Sadly, one of our graduating seniors (not a choir member) lost his life the night before graduation.

The student body was clearly shaken in the wake of the tragedy. I was also shaken.

This past week, I found myself tethered to my bed each morning and up far too late at night. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was from the wake of May and graduation until I woke up this morning and felt myself again.

It is a blessing to be silent, to hold your tongue, to at least pause.  Proverbs talks about the wisdom of no comments.  I see myself protected by a closed gate over and over again.  But oh, do I long for a space to spill my coffee!