The Deep Work of Motherhood

This is a new topic for me, but one that I have been leaning into for a few years unknowingly. Recently, I read a book called “Deep Work” by Cal Newton. This book describes the deep work needed to make real strides in academia and business. Not being in either of those arenas, I sought to apply his principles to my work–homemaking.

I’ve read a gazillion blogs and pinterest posts about how to be an excellent mom and wife. I know about organizing schedules and minimizing closets and planning date nights and freezing meals. I get it and I agree that hacking back your life is great.  But at the end of the day, is it deep or shallow work? Is it meeting the temporary or long lasting goal of the home?

After years of decluttering our homes, I will tell you now that I’m done with it. It takes a lot of time and energy and things pile up again and again. Do I believe in tidy habits? Yes. Am I teaching them to my kids? Yes. And I fully believe in chores and not having too much stuff in general, but my friends, a minimal and tidy home is not the holy grail of homemaking.

That is to say, my worth as a mother is not determined by the number of freezer meals I just shoved in my freezer. My worth as a mother just is. Full stop. I am the only mother in this home and I cannot relinquish that role to anyone or anything else.

With the birth of our fourth child, I felt like my mothering was really taking on a swirling effect. I needed to take a break from my regular input machines and try something new.

Thanks to the suggestion of a neighbor, I listened to Deep Work via audible and began to really take the time to discern what the deep work of motherhood is.

Here is what I came up with–by no means a complete or final list:

The deep work of motherhood is creating, preparing, and shipping off good things into the world and I don’t mean baked goods or even only children. It is sometimes baked goods and sometimes children, but there is some deeper element that mothers bring to the world. Have you ever walked into a room full of mothers? There is something very secure and mysterious about a place like that.

The deep work of motherhood is learning how to be brave when you don’t know the outcome of your actions. It is knowing that sometimes people let you down or do the wrong thing, but you can love them anyway and offer a refuge when they are ready to recuperate, rest, and move forward.

The deep work of motherhood is carving purpose into daily tasks like baking bread, vacuuming, and taking out the trash through means of thoughtful discussions and clear explanations. Why does our family do the things we do? Why do little things make a big difference? How do sacrifices become sacramentals in our souls?

The deep work of motherhood is shining truth in a murky world. It is teaching children that excellence means being thoughtful, taking your time, and making choices for the right reasons. This comes from a continuing revolutions of praying aloud, praying silently, praying with a child or two or three in your lap, answering difficult questions to the best of your ability, staying present during difficult discussions, and studying.

Being a mother is worthwhile. It is hard. It is painstaking. It will bring you to tears on a regular basis. But it is deep. It is meaningful. As I heard a veteran mother say recently, “You are the mother. Do not abdicate!”